


Fight With Me

by adventursplorer



Series: One Shots [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, F/M, Nightmares, PTSD, Slow Burn, Soldier Bellamy, bellarke AU, dealing with FEELINGS, love through pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 15:33:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10493970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adventursplorer/pseuds/adventursplorer
Summary: Bellamy's back from war and finds comfort in a single person who becomes his lifeline.





	

Bellamy was coming back from his desert war zone and was hoping to surprise Octavia. He had messaged me saying he would be back in the week after next on Sunday and that I was not to tell Octavia. However, the idiot decided to tell me the wrong date and showed up at my apartment, bag in hand on Wednesday evening, four days before he was meant to. I swung the door open, expecting the pizza delivery man only to find a grumpy soldier with a single bag attempting to give me a sheepish smile. The first thing out of his mouth wasn't even, "Hey Clarke, how's it been? Haven't seen you for a year except for on that Skype call with Octavia when you walked across the screen in your underwear and was like, 'Hey Bellamy.'" Yes, that did actually happen.

Instead, the first thing that came out of his mouth was abrupt, "Is Octavia here?" I shook my head and he responded with, "Good, I just need to get my head around things before I see her. Would it be okay to stay with you for a few days?" He says and I'm surprised to say the least. Why me? I'm sure he had someone better than me to stay with.

I pushed these thoughts aside and allowed him into my humble abode and just as I was about to close the door the pizza guy rounded the corner. "Pizza for dinner alright?" I yell out across the apartment at him and hear him yell a yes back.

I paid the guy and sent him off on his way, finally settling onto my couch with a slice of pizza in hand. Bellamy came in and sat on one of the other couches before grabbing a piece for himself. "Sorry for just dropping in on you like this. You're the only one that can give me a sense of normality and I just needed some time to get back to life here before seeing Octavia again. Plus, you're the only one I told."

"Yeah, don't worry it's fine. Just a bit surprising, that's all. I also don't think you have to worry about Octavia dropping round for the next few days, she's on some job on one of the Hawaiian islands until Monday. We can go and surprise her at the airport when she arrives back?" I suggest and he smiles and nods at me. I felt like something was different with Bellamy, I couldn't decide if it was because his walls had been built up further or if he was letting them down. He had once told me that, 'Who we are and who we need to be to survive were two very different things.' Right now, I didn't know which one was which with him and what that Iraqi warzone did to him.

"So how have you been then Princess?" He questions, still not giving up with the old nickname.

I roll my eyes and respond, "You know busy, doing paintings here and there. Commissioning them, Lincoln left me his gallery when he... you know. So now I have that, so business is great. Emotionally, I'm getting to terms with things, finally." I say and look over at him.

"That's good, I wish I was here for Octavia and you when you both went through all that." He gives me a sad smile and once again he surprises me. Since when did he ever care about my wellbeing. Literally, all Bellamy and I would do was argue. We could never agree on one thing and it became something so normal for both of us that if one person was taking one side of an argument, the other would take the opposing side, even if it was wrong. It became something fun between us and it was never heated in the more recent years but now he was actually being nice to me, it was strange. He continues on to explain, "You were the one that was here with O when she went through that and I could see every time I skyped her that she was getting better, seeming happier. I don't know if she was putting it on for show, but she said that you made things alright for her. And I know you had the same thing too with Lexa, but you stayed strong for Octavia, so thank you for looking after her." He tells me and I nod, not really knowing what to say. I felt like this was Bellamy with his walls down, and I was afraid they were going to go straight back up again if I said the wrong thing.

"She really misses you, you know? She would always go on about 'Oh maybe if Bellamy was here...' or, 'I wish Bell could see this', she's going to be so happy to see you're back and it'll really help her with what's happened these past few months." I say and he gives me that smile again. "You can take the spare room by the way, I'll just get sheets and stuff out." I tell him standing up.

"Thanks Clarke, for everything." He says and I nod and turn to get the sheets to make the bed.

I return to him watching the TV, making himself at home. I go into the kitchen and make us some tea and we settle down watching a re-run of some show. "Hey, Clarke?" He speaks up and I hum in acknowledgment, looking at him. "Just giving you a heads up, I was diagnosed with PTSD, but it's not that bad, so just a pre-warning."

I nod and say, "Don't worry, I sleep through anything," and with the grateful smile, I knew I had said the right thing.

The next few days fly with brief conversation between Bellamy and I, about nothing serious. I didn't dare to ask him what it was like in the middle of a war zone, so we kept it light and breezy which I could tell he was thankful for. I had hoped I was making it 'normal' enough for him, and think I did, as on Sunday and I could see Bellamy was getting more excited by the second. He missed Octavia and couldn't wait to see her. On Monday he was already waiting by the door calling me to, quote: 'Hurry the hell up' to which I rolled my eyes at him.

"What?" he questioned me accusingly with a smile.

"You're like an excited puppy. Compose yourself." I tease and get a rare laugh out of him.

Standing at the airport I feel his excitement and even feel slightly excited at the sibling's reunion myself. Octavia was going to love seeing her brother again and it was sure to lift her spirits. I looked at the board seeing that her plane had landed about ten minutes ago so she should be coming through at any minute.

Bellamy was stood up on his toes searching the flow of heads for his sister. I suddenly spotted her and backhanded him, pointing her out to him. I watched as she neared us and finally spotted us. When she saw Bellamy standing next to me her eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning and she sprinted to tackle her brother, dropping her case in the process. I picked it up and watched the siblings with a real feeling of happiness. I don't think I had felt such a thing in months so it was like a breath of fresh air.

We made our way out with Octavia chatting up a storm, asking Bellamy all these questions which he could only give short answers before she moved onto the next one. Bellamy told her of all that had happened or how he got here, and Octavia gave me a grateful hug when we got the car, thanking me for all I had done, which wasn't much. I looked at Bellamy over her shoulder and he nodded his thanks in my direction.

In the car, Octavia noticed that we actually agreed on stuff and that we were being nice to each other. I looked in the back mirror as she watched us with curiosity as to why we were being so nice together and when she spoke, I could tell she was already planning something. Barley back ten minutes and was scheming. "Hey Bell, where you going to be staying cause you could stay on my couch but that's a bit uncomfortable."

Bellamy thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I've searched for apartments and found one that's decently cheap but it's a bit far away. I'll keep looking and stay on your couch until I find one." He says. She raises her eyebrows, thinking about something which was probably part of her scheming. I stayed quiet, watching her, seeing the gears turn in her head and hoped she wasn't going to mention-

"Hey Clarke, isn't your lease up soon?" She says and I sigh audibly, knowing where she was going.

"Yeah it is O." I admit.

"You know; you could save a lot of money if you found a roommate." She suggests and I look across at Bellamy and he rolls his eyes about to say something to her.

I cut him off before he could say something, "I was going to ask Bellamy if he wanted to move in with me, don't worry Octavia. So Bellamy, if you want you can move in with me. Split rent half, half. It's cheaper than a new apartment and it's close to O." I say and look at her in the mirror seeing her grinning.

"Yeah I'm good with that, if you're sure about it?" He says simply.

"Yeah it's fine. Means I can save money." I state and he nods.

We make our way back to Octavia's apartment where I go into the kitchen to get us all drinks. Octavia dives straight in with the questions, not the light and breezy ones which I knew he would prefer to be asked. "So what was it like?" She starts off.

"Hell, sandy, hot." He says sharply.

"Anything interesting happen?" She questions simply, not gauging her brother's reaction as his eyes glazed over and his expression darkened.

"Nothing." He snapped out and stood up abruptly, walking out of the lounge into the kitchen. Octavia gave me a worried look and put her head in her hands, distraught that she had upset her brother.

I followed Bellamy into the kitchen to see him hunched over the counter, taking deep breaths, trying to calm down. Her question had set his PTSD off and I wasn't sure about what to do, so I stood next to him and rubbed my hand up and down his back in a soothing motion. What he did next surprised me as he turned and just took me into a hug. I was hesitant at first but wrapped my arms around him. I felt his heartbeat, wild, under his chest and thought that whatever happened out there must have really been bad for him to come back like this.

After staying like that for a minute he finally released me and stepped back, looking slightly embarrassed and ducked his head down. "It's alright Bellamy, we all have our demons." I say and stroke his cheek giving him a sad smile. He looks up at me, his features softening.

I leave him alone for a second and head back into the lounge and settle back on the couch with Octavia who gives me a worried, questioning look. "He's alright, he just needs a bit of time. Just try and avoid asking questions about his tour. I'm sure he'll explain it all to you in his own time." I tell her and she nods understandingly. Bellamy comes back in with a slightly forced smile and says to me, "We best be on our way Clarke." He passes Octavia and gives her a smile and a kiss on the head and her worried look diminishes slightly.

"Look after him Clarke." She tells me as I leave.

I smile and tell her, "Don't worry, I will."

The ride home is quiet and when we get in Bellamy mentions figuring out the stuff about our lease. I tell him with a tired smile, that I'm too exhausted to deal with it and that we could talk about it in the morning. He nods, understanding and heads to his room.

That night I couldn't find sleep easily, despite being extremely tired. I had way too many thoughts running through my head, mainly about the man sleeping in the room next to mine. I was worried about him, he had been through hell and back and came back broken. He was too tired to fight anymore and had little hope. I understood that he had different walls, the walls that were built in the war zone and the walls that that were completely knocked down. He was shattered inside.

Suddenly I was shaken from my thought as a shout pierced the air. Bellamy was having a nightmare and I rushed into his room to see him thrashing around on his bed, yelling out words with no meaning and crying out for help. I shook his shoulder, needing him to wake up. I called his name and finally he woke with blind panic in his eyes and no recognition as to who I was or where he was. He gripped my arm and pushed me back into the wardrobe where he held me. "Bellamy! It's me Clarke. You're back home, you're safe now." I say to him and he finally realises where he is and drops his arm, backing away from me. "Bellamy, you're okay. It was just a dream." I tell him as he sits down on the side of the bed and puts his head in his hands.

"I'm so sorry Clarke. I'm so sorry." He repeats over and over again. I sit next to him, pulling his hands from his face and he looks at me with tears brimming his eyes. I wipe away the previous tear tracks with my thumb and smile at him, hoping to give him some light in his dark life.

"Do you want me to stay or should I go?" I ask him holding his hands, hearing his breathing finally start to slow. He looks at me, vulnerable and I know what he wants so I just get up and go round to the other side of the bed where I get in. He turns his bedside light off and pulls me close. I stay awake long enough for his heartbeat to finally go down and know he's asleep. I close my eyes for the final time before darkness envelops me.

I wake up alone in my spare room bed with the smell of freshly cooked breakfast wafting in from the kitchen. I remember the events of last night and wonder how Bellamy was going to be.

I sleepily drudge in there to see a shirtless Bellamy standing at my stove. I take in all the scars covering his back, some distinctly looking like cut marks and a bullet hole to the back of his right shoulder. "Morning Princess." He calls over his shoulder and I give him a monotonous reply back. "I forgot how much of a morning person you were." He smiles sliding the plate over showing his front, which was much less scarred with fewer cuts but I could see the bullet hole to his shoulder was the one that matched up with the one on his back.

I decide to give up my grumpiness for a second and give him a smile. I knew he would only want to talk about it in his own time so I didn't press the scars or events of last night and asked him about what he was thinking for a job and said that he would try and join back into his old precinct. He had finished his police training and was assigned to precinct nine-nine in the city. However, he was called in for military service for a desperate need for soldiers. He had to drop everything with his captain's, my stepdad's, last words to him being, 'If you ever make it back, you've got a place here.'

We finished breakfast but a thought occurred to me and I asked him, trying to not set anything off, "Hey Bell, I know it may not be my place to say, but if you're re-joining the nine-nine, you're going to be around guns and from what I know about PTSD, that could set something off. So please just be careful." I tell him and another thought occurred to me that, since when did I care about Bellamy this much? Was it always there or was it something new?

Ever since he's come back, he's calmer and he's nice. There was no doubt that before we had a strong friendship that was built up through the heat of arguments and turned to something softer, but now that wasn't there anymore and it was just him.

I try gauge his reaction. He surprises me by giving me a soft smile, "I'll be fine, I've got to pass a psych test first and if anything comes up, they would give me desk duty and as much as I hate it, I'd still take it."

I watch him, still slightly worried, "Alright, as long as you're fine." I smile back at him.

I set off that morning for the gallery for several meetings that would run through for most of the day. Bellamy texted me half way through the day, saying he was coming by with some lunch and that he needed to borrow my car to get to the precinct, I smiled down at my phone. "Ooh, who's got you so happy?" Raven says as she comes into the offices.

"I'll give you three guesses." I tell her playfully.

"Octavia? Niylah? Monty or Jasper?" She guesses all in one.

"No, no, haven't spoken to her in months Ray and surprisingly no." I reply in order of her guesses.

"Then who the hell could it be? Kane? He sends you funny stepdad texts, doesn't he?" She asks and I laugh because he does.

E.g.

_Marcus K._

_Hey Clarke, how do I get your mother to stop cleaning? She legit will not stop and it's seriously stressing me out. Please reply ASAP or I'll be coming around to yours to work. Jokes, but seriously how do I get her to stop? Thanks, M._

"He does, but its not him either." I pause seeing her raise her eyebrows, becoming more curious. "Bellamy Blake." I finally tell her.

She sharply looks at me, "What the actual... Since when was he back? And why's he texting you, let alone making you smile? He used to infuriate you and you would bitch about him constantly." She says incredulously.

"Yeah, well a warzone changes people Raven." I say to her and she gives me a slightly guilty look. "Anyways, he got back last Wednesday and he's rooming with me, trying to get his old job at the precinct back." I tell her and she nods.

"Maybe all that pent up sexual frustration between you can finally be released." She says, bringing back the old joke she used to make about the two of us. I backhand her stomach and she laughs.

"He's changed a lot Ray, and I'm a bit worried about him." I'm about to continue but see him walk in with a grin.

Raven slides the worried look off her face and gives him a smile, "Good to see you back Blake." She nods at him and he passes me the warm container with freshly cooked stir-fry.

"Nice to see you too Ray." He smiles giving her a hug, "How've things been? Still with Wick?" He asks.

"Nah, we broke up a few months after you left." She smiles back and pauses thinking about something, "We should all go for drinks sometime, get the crew back together." She suggests and he looks at me. We have a second long silent conversation which I think ends up as yes and he agrees then nodding at Raven with a "Yeah sure."

"Okay cool, Clarke you organise it since you're the most mature out of all us." She tells me and walks away waving goodbye to the Blake with a smirk on her face.

I see Bellamy give a small laugh from behind me, "What time you going to be going home?" He questions.

"Around four o'clock I think?" I tell him.

"Alright, I'll come pick you up then." I nod and pass him the keys to the car.

"Sweet, see you later then." I say and he gives me a smile.

"See ya Princess." He calls as he leaves.

"Thanks for the lunch and drive safe!" I yell after him and he waves his hand behind him.

I see Raven leaning on the door frame to her office with a smirk, "Shit Clarke, that was the most domestic thing I think I've ever seen and I've see Octavia and Lincoln at full domestic." She laughs and shakes her head, turning back into her office.

I smile to myself thinking at how the older Blake and my relationship had changed. Still friends but with something else and more trust.

The day rolls by supremely slowly and by 3:40 I was ready to finish. I still had ten more minutes with this client and by the blank look Raven was giving them as she just nodded her head along to whatever they were saying, she had no clue what was going on. I was pretty much on the same wavelength as her and so for the last ten minutes we just smiled and nodded our heads to whatever they said.

After they left Raven just slumped back in her chair. "Did they give us a portfolio? I didn't really get what they were saying by the end of it."

"Yeah they did and, neither did I. It was just a constant drone at the end." I tell her and we both burst out laughing.

I look at my watch seeing I had five minutes until Bellamy picked me up.

"Ready to see your boy toy tonight?" She teases me and I flip her off.

"He's not. He's a friend alright." I tell her.

"No Clarke, he's my friend. I don't know what he is to you, but he's more than a friend." I roll my eyes at the woman and pack my bag and sling it over my shoulder.

"I'm calling bullshit." I yell behind me, leaving to go.

I look back to see her with a smirk giving me a small wave and then muttering something under her breath.

I see Bellamy standing waiting for me with his back to the car with a smile on his face. "How'd it go?" I question when I got closer.

"Put simply, your stepdad is a legend." He tells me.

"Why? Did you get the job?" I ask him.

"Yeah, he re-offered it straight up. I just need a retest on my physical and psych and I'll be set." He pauses, his excitement dropping. "That's if I can pass the psych."

I take his hand and give it a short squeeze, "You'll be fine. Alright? And it doesn't matter if you don't, because I'm assuming he would give you desk duty until you were okay." He gives me a doubtful look and I give him a reassuring smile and a quick kiss on his cheek. "Let's go home." I say and finally release his hand, getting into the car.

****

That night I awake to a dip in the other side of my bed and look over my shoulder to see Bellamy slip in. He wraps his arm around me and I can feel his wild heart beating against my back. "Bell?" I question, checking if he was alright.

"Just go to sleep Princess, I'll be fine." He tells me and I take his hand and intertwine our fingers together, snuggling into him further. He pulls me in tighter and I shut my eyes. My heart hurts for him, his nightmare was the war zone and the only thing that could help him sleep at night was someone real to keep him where he was. I was that real thing for him, I knew his weakness and I was the only thing that could make him stronger.

The nights continue on like this. Sometimes I would hear yelling and climb in with him, rare nights would be when it would be quiet. More often than not, he would climb in with me and I would only be able to sleep when I felt his breathing smooth out and heart rate slow down.

I was worried for him, he was in a support group and was seeing a psychologist at the moment which would factor into if I was allowed back in the field or not. The nightmares only subsided when he had someone besides him, if that was the case, I was not sure how he was going to deal with being around gunfire. Someone that understood what was going on wasn't going to be there to calm him down every time a gun was fired, so I had no clue as to what he was going to do.

Octavia came by every few days to chill with us and watch a movie. She was careful not to ask any questions, knowing what it could do to him.

One night, once Bellamy had gone to bed, giving us both kisses on the head. She and I stayed up to talk.

"Has he said anything about it yet?" She asks me.

"Not yet, but he will in his own time. He has PTSD so he's dealing with a lot and I understand why he may not want to. His nightmares terrify him." I tell her, taking a sip of tea.

"Nightmares?" She questions, her worry levels rising by the second.

"Yeah, he has them most nights." I pause suddenly, not knowing how to explain to her the fact that her brother and I sleep in the same bed more often than not. She watches me expectantly so I say, "He needs someone there with him, to keep him in reality. So I've stayed with him or he'll come to me." She narrows her eyes at me, with a smirk breaking out.

"Raven's going love this." She says giving a small laugh and I roll my eyes, "Joking aside, thank you for all you've done these past few weeks. I can't do much because I don't really know what to do. You and Bell used to fight all the time just for the hell of it and now he's needed someone with this whole PTSD thing and you've been there for him. And if you're the one that's there to help the nightmares go away, I'm glad because it's way better than some blonde bimbo that he picked up at a bar." She tells me giving me a small smile.

She stays for another half an hour and I worry that Bellamy's nightmares might start whilst she's here. So when she leaves, I'm relieved. She shouldn't have to see her brother how he is after a nightmare. If I'm worried about him, she would be ten times worse.

I'm in the kitchen finishing the dishes when I hear him shuffle in. He comes and stands next to me, wrapping an arm around my waist and pressing a kiss to my head. "Hey." He says with a slight shake in his voice and I knew that he had been back in his war zone.

I smile up at him, leaving the dishes. "Hey." I say gently, turning so I can wrap my arms around him. "Hot chocolate or bed?" I ask into his chest.

"Hot chocolate." He states and sighs, sitting down at the kitchen island. I make us our drinks and set down in the lounge next to him. I look at my phone, knowing that if he wanted to talk, he would. Several seconds later, I hear the words, "Can we talk about it?" I look up at him, surprised.

He looks at me earnestly and I give him a concerned look, "Are you sure Bell?"

"Yeah. I want to tell you. You've been so patient with me and with all this shit going on, you've never asked for an explanation. I owe it to you." He tells me, stretching his arm over the back of the chair.

"You don't owe me anything." I tell him and he takes my hand with his other.

"I want to tell you. Alright?" He says and gives me a soft smile. He pulls me closer and I lean back against him. "Well, the whole tour was an absolute mess. Arrived at our camp in the middle of a bombing and from there it just got worse. Where we were was known as 'Bomb Central' in Iraq. Every single week we had at least 3 attacks from a terrorist cell. Finally, my team was sent out but it was a bust. We got ambushed, four of the five of us made it out of there alive but critically injured. We lost Monroe that day, she was a good soldier.

"Every time we got sent out, we were ambushed and it seemed like someone was feeding information to the terrorist organisations of where we would be and what time. This had also happened to several other teams. Luckily we didn't lose anyone else because each time we were prepared for it. Sometimes we managed to get to the cities where we found the terrorist cells. But it felt like someone was always trying to stop us. Nearing the end, in my last month there, on one of our missions, we were expecting the first ambush but not the second one.

"One of the guys, Atom, had been shot so there were only three of us left, Murphy, Dax and I. We were forced into a corner and had to try and get away. However, Dax knocked Murphy out and doped me up with this stuff that had me hallucinating about my greatest fears. He was driving us somewhere when I finally came to. I tried to shove Murphy awake but he was out cold. I had tried to break out of the zip ties that Dax had put on me but we arrived at where ever he was taking us. He had the men take us to this room where they tortured us by cutting us. For six days Murphy and I had to endure pointless torture, just because they hated us.

"Finally one day they left us alone, wanting to keep us alive and we managed to break out. I found some broken glass and used that to cut our ties. I had managed to find Dax and killed him. I remember his final words to me, 'You're a monster, Blake.' I watched as the life drained from him and I believed those words. Murphy found our old Rover and we broke out, a second team was sent out the next day and killed the terrorists." He finishes there, taking a deep breath and I look up at him, my eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"You're not a monster Bellamy. You're just a bit broken." I tell him and smile up at him.

He looks down at me, still stroking the back of my hand with his thumb places a kiss on my forehead. "You're fixing me Clarke. You may not realise it, but you have been my saving grace." He gives me a cheesy smile and I know that he's going to be okay. "The nightmares don't happen as frequently anymore anyways, so I know that being here with you is doing me good." He tells me.

I cuddle into him further and we hold each other. I manage to fall asleep in his arms and wake slightly when he lifts me up to take me to bed. I move further into his warmth and pull him next to me when he sets me down. "Someone's a clingy sleeper." He mumbles in his half-awake state.

"Shut up, you're nice and warm." I mumble straight back.

"Night Princess." He says pulling me closer.

I wake up in the morning with a breathing tickling my neck and a sleeping Bellamy behind me. I turn in his embrace and watch him sleep, nothing showing me signs of a nightmare from the night before.

I see his eyes flutter open and I smile, "Good morning Mr Blake." I whisper.

He shushes me with a smile and pulls me in closer, "It's not morning unless you say it is."

"It's morning." I say smiling and he drops his hand from my arm and pokes at my side, tickling me. I wriggle around the bed, trying to get him to stop and he finally subsides and I find myself extremely close to him. His hand now a lightweight, but very noticeable against my side, moves slowly up to brush a piece of hair from my face. I don't what compels me to do it but I reach out and brush my thumb across the dust of freckles on his cheek. He watches me closely as my hand comes to rest. I wanted to kiss him, but watching his eyes, I knew something was holding him back and I could see him pulling back already with an unsure expression, so I made no move to push it further. Instead, I just smiled and rolled over, getting out of bed.

I knew what I wanted, but I knew it wasn't the same as what he needed. He didn't need me like that and I felt the small part of hope diminish that we could ever be something.

His nightmares slowly decrease through the month. I find that I don't have to go to him to wake him up or he comes to me in the middle of the night as often as before. To say the least, I miss having his warm body beside me but I knew it was a good sign. Soon he would be taking his physical and psych test for the force and with the good progression plus the feedback from his psychologist, he would pass with flying colours.

I was hoping we wouldn't slip back into our old routine with fighting frequently, but as he got better, he seemed to be distancing himself from me and I hated it. On some mornings he would bite a remark at me and I would send a snide one back, just as we used to but somehow, what he was saying felt like it actually had some heat to it.

I just decided that I was going to ignore him and if he had anything to say to me, he would have to apologise and realise what he had done. Bellamy Blake was never one to own up to his mistakes, and whether this was a mistake or not, I still wanted an apology.

"Coffee?" He questioned when I walked in to the kitchen the morning after an argument we had the day before.

I ignored his question, opening the fridge and taking out the orange juice. He watched me as I walked passed him getting a glass. "Clarke?" He questioned with concern. I rolled my eyes, poured myself a glass and walked out, not in the mood for anything this morning.

I went to work and had Raven making comments about my mood and joking about, 'Trouble in Paradise,' as if there was a paradise with Bellamy. He had managed to hurt me, disregarding anything that we had built up in his first few weeks back. With his nightmares happening less frequently, he was building his walls higher because he didn't need another weakness.

I was in a meeting and halfway through the day, I get a text from him.

_Bellamy:_

_Check your office._

_B_

I sighed and tried to focus my attention on the client but my mind kept on drifting to Bellamy and what he was doing.

The meeting could not end sooner and as soon as it was done I shook hands with them eagerly and ushered them out the door. Going back to my office I see a paper bag on the desk with Bellamy's scrawl, 'Since you didn't get your coffee this morning. B'

I felt like it was his attempt at an apology and it was working. I pulled out a coffee, just the way I liked it and a donut. I still felt angry that he pushed me away when now was the time he needed someone the most but I could feel a lightweight lift off my chest. Maybe he was letting me back in.

I don't know why it became so important for me to be there for him and why I felt so relieved that maybe he realised that I was angry at him and cared enough to do something about it. Maybe it was because I did actually like him that I felt all these things. I knew I was screwed because I didn't think he liked me back.

"You going to talk to me yet?" I hear as soon as I walk into the apartment. I see Bellamy sitting on the couch, waiting for my arrival.

"Depends, are you going to stop making rude comments every time you open your mouth?" I say back, dumping my bag near my room.

"I was not making rude comments Clarke." He denies and I sharply look at him, thinking about the past week and all the snide comments in the morning.

"Yeah then define every single sentence you said to me this past week. Oh, and also avoiding me like crazy. I think I only saw you for like two minutes each morning these past few days, you've been coming home super late, and I can't help but think its to avoid me." I say to him, getting angry.

"I'm not avoiding you." He says quietly and I could see he didn't even believe himself when he said it.

"Whatever Bellamy. You keep pushing me away for whatever reason you want to, just try to consider how it makes me feel. I have done nothing but look out for you these past few weeks, and surprise, surprise, I care about you. Get your head out of your ass and see what's right in front of you." I sign and take a breath, continuing, "For now, I'm done and if you're going to keep going on like this, then find another place to live because I don't want to live with someone that doesn't care."

At that I left the apartment and texted Raven to get the wine and ice cream. I was angry and Raven, ice cream and wine would be the only things that could help at the moment.

I walked into the apartment at around 8 o'clock that night after going to Raven's and went straight to bed when seeing Bellamy wasn't there. He probably was at O's. What could've been a couple hours later, I was awoken by a sound outside my room and the light from the hallway as the door cracked open. I squinted and saw Bellamy's outline hovering. "Bellamy?" I questioned as I turned my bedside light on and saw him at his worst. He was sweating and had panic in his eyes, his muscles were tense and he gripped the door frame like he was hanging on for his life. He was breathing heavily and I knew that this was one of the worst PTSD episodes he's had.

I stood up and rushed over to him, "Bell, it's okay. You're going to be okay. I'm here with you. Alright?" I took his hand trying to get him to look at me. I squeeze his hands and finally he met my eyes.

"They killed you." He whispered and I rubbed my hands up and down his arms. He took my face in his hands and rested his forehead on mine. "They killed you. You're okay." He whispered again then pressed a kiss to my forehead then rested his forehead against mine again.

"We're okay." I whisper and he nods as I feel his curls brush against my forehead.

"Yeah. We're okay." He breathes out and finally takes a step back, still holding me with a pained look in his eyes. "I can't lose you Clarke. I was so scared that I had lost you." He whispers shakily.

I take his hands and pull him to my bed where we lie down, me resting on his chest whilst he clutches onto me. "You've always got me Bellamy. You'll never lose me, I'm not going anywhere, I promise. We can get through anything." I say, looking up at him. "Together."

"Together." He replies back and misses my forehead in the dark, kissing my nose. I smile in realising that for me to be myself, I needed him.

I wake up in the morning with an arm stroking my sides and arms and a nice warm body in front of me to which I snuggle further into, knowing it's Bellamy. I smile in my state of sleepiness, thinking that I could wake up a thousand mornings feeling like this. "What's so funny, Princess?" I hear him whisper.

I break open my eyes to see him watching me with a sleepy, sexy smile on his face. "Nothing. What about you? What's made you so happy this morning?"

He falters at the question, his smile dropping for a second. I wonder what he's thinking until he leans down and hesitates for a second, I decide to make up his mind for him and lift my head up slightly to kiss him. He responds immediately and deepens the kiss, I let my hands roam up his back, wandering over the scars that hold the stories of his nightmares. He breaks the kiss to answer my question, "You have." I rush up to kiss him again and know that we were going to last a hell of a long time together, otherwise we wouldn't be able to survive.


End file.
